I was just a normal A.P. kid growing up in Orange County. Till I wasn't.

My life growing up in Orange County and and struggling to make sense of all the pain I lived in.

Yup thats me. Riding the monorail in the front, like a boss. I think I am three years old here. This was a BIG year for me. I got to wake up Christmas morning at the Disneyland Hotel and go to into Disneyland on Christmas freaking day.

Wednesday was early day and that meant Disneyland.

Growing up in Orange County with Disneyland smack dab in the middle, it's hard to find someone who didn't spend the majority of their childhood and teen years running around and amuck in the park. I was for sure no exception. You see it started way back since I can remember really, and by the time I was in 3rd grade the best thing happened. My mom bought me and her Annual Passes.

In elementary school we got out early on Wednesdays. This became the optimal day to go to Disneyland, spend a few hours, and be home before dinner. My mom and I went every Wednesday for years and years. These are some of the most special and cherished memories I have of us, and I looked forward to the middle of the week the most. I would plan out which very 90s Tinkerbell or Winnie the Pooh T-shirt i was going to wear with my Limited Too jean shorts and Airwalk shoes. I would jet out of my classroom jump in line to buy my PTA ice cream sale Big Stick and practically float on air to the car. We parked the car and walked to the tram (this parking lot is where Disney California Adventure is today) as we plan what rides we wanted to go and what treats had to be eaten. To say Disneyland park is special to me is quite frankly an understatement. The majority of my best moments in life are because of or in that place Walt built. ( I can't wait to write about all of them here!)

It must be all in your head.

I was told as a kid it was all in my head. My mom did the best she could. She took my to my doctor who did some in-office tests to come to the conclusion that it was all in my head and that maybe I needed therapy (I was already in that at the time) because I had a traumatic childhood. Look, there are some bits of truth in all this: I did and still do love therapy, I did have a traumatic childhood, and technically it was ALL IN MY HEAD, because it was my brain falling out of my skull and into my spinal cord wreaking all kinds of havoc on my body and nervous system. What that tiny annual pass holding 10 year old me needed was an MRI not an in-office test. You can't find Chiari Malformation without some sort of imaging.

Imaging is what I had at the age of 24. An MRI that revealed I needed brain surgery quickly. I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation and Syringomyeila. But all that for another post lets get back to little Lacey and Disneyland.

You see Disneyland made me feel like I was a real life Alice in my own Wonderland.

We're all a little mad here.

““But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad." "How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here.”― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

When I walked through those turnstiles, I was free. Free from all the labels that were placed on me. Free from the pain for a little while (with the help of Tylenol). Free to just run around as a kid. I felt like i wasn't "to much". I didn't even have time to notice how much pain I was in due to all the fun I was having. I felt like it was ok to be not normal because there is nothing normal about a talking mouse and his talking friends: another mouse, a dog, a duck, and a some chipmunks. I never felt normal, and to be honest I never wanted to. However, I have always wanted to feel less pain. I have always dreamed of a place where I don't have to explain all about my autoimmune disease and why I can't eat gluten while trying to order a pasta dinner. Disney has become that place for me. Little did that sweet girl in the front of the monorail know that this place she loved so much because it brought her magic would bring her so much joy, laughter, and sense of her version of normal for years and years to come.

Tiny Lacey in Disneyland

Description of the pictures below:

1) my Dad holding me on the carousel and I decided to kiss the house as a thank you for not bucking me off. 2) Yes my mom made us matching outfits very late 80s styling. We are in the the Monkey cage on the Casey Jr train. 3) My mom made the best Cinderella Halloween costume for me that I wore to a trick-or-treat in the park in 1995.